Hogwarts Place
by Ael L. Bolt
Summary: Harry is extremely excited about finding out he’s a wizard – wouldn’t you be? Perhaps not enough to weave such a fastpaced tale and show remarkable clairvoyancy at the same time, but I digress. I do that.


**Hogwarts Place**  
By Ael L. Bolt

Rating: G  
Genre: Humor/Parody  
Timeframe: Between Harry getting his letter and him arriving at Hogwarts  
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, FB&WtFT, QTTA  
Summary: Harry is extremely excited about finding out he's a wizard - wouldn't you be? Perhaps not enough to weave such a fast-paced tale and show remarkable clairvoyancy at the same time, but I digress.

Disclaimer: The tune of "Hardware Store" belongs to Weird Al Yankovic and is featured on his new album, 'Poodle Hat.' Buy it, it's hilarious.

Author's Notes: I don't know how I managed it, but I got references to all the existing Potter books in this parody - and it only covers the month before first year! FYI - a demiguise is the creature whose fur is used to make Invisibility Cloaks.

  
  
Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town  
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here  
I thought that I would go right out of my mind  
Until Hagrid told me the news

He said "Hey, you know your Mum and Dad  
Who died a few years ago? Well, somebody bad then  
Killed 'em off, and you're a special wizard  
So let's go buy robes and see skrewts"

Since then I've been walking on air (air)  
Now I know why there's a scar hidden in my hair  
'Cause I'm so excited and the Dursleys don't care  
I've been waiting since July

For this day to finally arrive  
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive  
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside  
The castle, wish I could fly

I can't wait (no I) I can't wait (oh when)  
When are they gonna not stare at my face?  
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the  
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the  
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the  
Hogwarts place

In my cupboard I no longer spend the night  
I've been to the Alley, my new wand spat light out  
I pressed my nose right up against the glass  
At that Quality Quidditch Supplies

Gonna get me a cauldron and a broom  
Need a map to find every single room in the school  
See these dress robes? In four years from now  
They will match my emerald eyes

People staring at me all the while  
I buy rolls of parchment that go on for miles and miles  
Brand new feather quill sets in a plethora of styles  
All arranged by their rarity

And I'm gonna do death-defying stunts  
Gonna prove that I'm not really such a runt  
I hope I'm gonna be a true Gryffindor  
Gonna set a house-elf free

I can't wait (no I) I can't wait (oh when)  
When are they gonna not stare at my face?  
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the  
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the  
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the  
Hogwarts place

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the  
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the  
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the  
Hogwarts place

Would you listen to this stuff...  
We've got House Quidditch robes, demiguise cloak, owl treats, Remembrall smoke  
Brand-new broomstick, bed of my pick, magic wand and a box of jokes  
Boomslang snakeskin, Gringotts gold key, Seeker arm guards, books about me  
Flying Ford cars, saved by centaurs, special gloves for Herbology  
Moving pictures, evil Riddles, Zonko's dungbombs, just a little  
Convict godmutt, Malfoy's dumb strut, dragon eggs and doggie spittle  
Voldemort dreams, snakes are talking, four House tables, late-night walking  
Hagrid's rock cakes, Trelawney's fake, my mother's love, ferret-mocking  
Solemnly swear up to no good, dementor lowers its hood  
Password-telling, object-spelling, Forbidden Forest or wood  
Mean professors, school contestors, can see thestrals, Peeves' rude gestures  
Hyper small owl, evil Snape scowl, Aragog and OWL testers  
Sorting Hat that gives me a sword, can stubbornly annoy the Dark Lord  
Werewolf Moony, Lovegood's loony, let's do something I'm getting bored  
Redhead pranksters, love the Burrow, 'Mione's essays are thorough  
Chudley Cannons, Charlie's dragons, can't wait 'till I leave tomorrow

I can't wait (no I) I can't wait (oh when)   
When are they gonna not stare at my face?   
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the  
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the  
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the  
Hogwarts place

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the  
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the  
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the  
Hogwarts place

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the  
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the  
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the  
Hogwarts place 


End file.
